


3 Words, 8 Letters and 1 Meaning.

by InsomniacFox



Category: Violet Evergarden (Anime)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Gen, Kissing, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-09
Updated: 2019-02-13
Packaged: 2019-04-20 17:12:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14265795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsomniacFox/pseuds/InsomniacFox
Summary: “Violet,” President Hodgins says with a soft smile, “the deadline is tonight, but if you write it by tomorrow morning I’ll take it to the office myself. You should write one, even if it is something short, even if it is just one sentence.”There was a hint of desperation as he spoke. He needed Violet to write that letter, not just for the air show or for closure and nor to extinguish the fire burning within her, but because behind all this, Claudia Hodgins has an ulterior motive.Violet’s letter was never intended to be taken to the office the next morning. It was going to be taken to its designated recipient.





	1. Chapter One

__There are soldiers behind them. Bullets flying everywhere. The smell of gunpowder and blood hangs in the air. He sees an arm fall, shot off clean. Violet's arm, and then the sound of skin and muscle tearing before another arm falls off, and yet._ _

___“I will not let you die!” she screams before tugging on his bloodstained shirt with her teeth. Refusing, to allow the loss of both her arms stops her from trying to protect him._ _ _

“Stop,” he whispers in pain. That’s all he feels, pain and an infinite amount of guilt. He was the reason she was suffering. He took this child and twisted her up, making her a weapon, his tool. It was all his fault, his heart grew heavy looking into her watery eyes, he hates himself.

___“Just stop!” he barks. With one eye he watched her slump back, shoulders hunched._ _ _

___“You have to live,” his voice breaks. “Violet, you have to live.”_ _ _

___She stares at him, body shaking as she tries to understand the meaning of his words._ _ _

___“From the bottom of my heart, I love you,” he tells her. Those 3 words, 8 letters, he never knew how to tell her but now he was not going to let her go without them. He was everything to her._ _ _

___“Love? What is love?” she softly cries as her body shakes. He was everything to her and he has failed her. “What is…love? I don’t understand!” she cries out. He was her guardian, he was the one she looked up to, the one she was willing to die for. He was the one who raised her, taught her how to read and write but yet he forgot to teach her the meaning of those 3 words and 8 letters._ _ _

___He never made her understand how important she was to him. How much he cherished her. He made her see herself as a machine and not a human with a heart._ _ _

___“Major.” She whispers._ _ _

Major!

Gilbert jolts up from his slumber, his whole body shaking, his nightshirt drenched in sweat. He was breathing heavily as his heart raced. Her voice echoing in his ears, calling out to him. Every night, he had the same nightmare, his last moments with Violet at the battle of intense. They continuously plagued his thoughts, even now, months after the battle, months after he faked his death.

It was all for Violet. She needed to move past him and push forward and live a life of her own. One that wouldn’t be possible if he was alive; she would never move on from his orders. He didn’t want Violet to go back to the way she used to be, only following his orders and acting as his tool but to become a person fitting of her name. He entrusted his existence with only one person, Claudia Hodgins. His most trustworthy and loyal friend. His only friend for that matter. Hodgins promised to take care of her and for that, he is eternally grateful.

Grabbing his eyepatch from the bedside table, Gilbert slowly continues his days of solitude in a remote town near the mountains of Gardarik. Sitting by the window in the tiny cottage, one hand holding a cup of tea as he gazed outside into the vast field until the sun slowly rose and shined brightly over the violets covering the field. His favourite flower. His thoughts immediately go to his Violet.

He often wondered if she grew into her name. The name he gave her. It’s been a few months since his friend last wrote to him in secrecy when Violet officially became an Auto Memories Doll. He couldn’t have been prouder. She was finally living.

He sat there, lost in thought until he heard the sound of a letter slide through his front door. Getting up, he grabbed the letter and made his way to the sitting room. Sitting on one of the leather chairs, he noticed the CH Postal Company crest on the hardened wax and gives a small smile. He cuts it open to reveal the letter inside. As he pulls the thin paper out, his remaining emerald eye widens as his smile drops. It’s almost like a jolt of electricity flowed through him as he sat there, paralyzed. His eyes scan the paper and for a moment he forgets how to breathe. He shakily pulled the letter closer and blinked several times to make sure he wasn’t hallucinating.

 

__To my beloved Major Gilbert,_ _

__How are you?..._ _


	2. Chapter Two

__To my beloved Major Gilbert,_ _  
__  
__How are you? Is everything well with you? Where are you right now? I hope you are not stressed out. Spring, Summer, Autumn and Winter. Many seasons have passed, but I am still waiting for your return. At first, I did not understand. I did not understand any of your feelings. But I started learning about emotions, from this new life you have provided me; Through writing letters for others, through the people, I have met. I still believe that you are still alive out there somewhere. That is why I will continue to live my life. I may not know what lies ahead, but I will simply live. And if we should ever meet again, this is what I would tell you, I now understand what the words ‘I love you’ mean._ _  
__  
__With Love,_ _  
__Violet Evergarden_ _

Gilbert read the letter again and again. Tears begin to flow down his cheek. He kept reading her letter over and over again, her words tugging at his heart. " _ _I now know what the words ‘I love you’ mean."__ Oh, Violet. Even after his ‘death’, she is still following his last orders, to live and be free, yet still unable to let him go. This was all his fault. Turning her into a child soldier only to then throw her into a civilian life without much guidance. She’s living the remainder of her life, although free, glued to his final words; desperate to understand them, desperate to understand him.

 

Gilbert fell deep into regret and doubt. He could only imagine the effect of his death on her. Hodgins never wrote about the bad. He knew he had to do this. Yet, there were days when he wished he never faked his death. Days where he wished he could be by her side, letting her know that she doesn’t have to go through life feeling alone. He wanted to wrap his arms around her and hold her close. To gaze into her aquamarine eyes and admire the beauty and all she is. However, it is because he loves her that he can’t be with her. She needs to grow into a woman fitting of her name, she’s already taken that first step onto the path that will lead her to transform into something worthier than just a tool.

 

They shall meet again he promises. Not in this life, not when he is no longer Gilbert Bougainvillea but Samuel Sullivan. However, perhaps one day, in another life, either in this body or another, they will meet again. One day, his Violet will return to the arms of her beloved Major.

 

He wipes his eyes and gives a tiny pained smile as reads the letter again. His Violet has only just started to bloom.   

 ***

It has been two months since the air show in Leiden. The CH Postal Company has flourished magnificently. The company has been having a steady flow of clients, those local and those far away. Ever since the signing of the peace treaty, the Auto Memories Dolls have been travelling even further than before. Writing letters for others across the continent, their reputation preceding them. Each doll had a number of requests, however none as much as Violet Evergarden.

 

Violet was known to be peculiar. The people she worked for often commented on her resemblance to an actual doll, adding humour to her title as an Auto Memories Doll. Due to her expressionless demeanour, she is often judged at first glance. She is like snow, beautiful yet cold, some would say. Their minds change from one of disdain to pure admiration once they witness her ability to help fulfil their requests.

 

“Violet, we need you right now!” Violet hears Iris yell. Violet stands up from her little table, in her room and makes her way down to the second floor of the Postal Company. She passes by Benedict, who was carrying a bag full of letters, ready to be delivered.

 

“Good Morning Violet! You slept well?” He asked in a friendly tone.

 

Violet nodded her head, “Yes, I did.” before continuing on her way. She passed by President Hodgins office to wish him a good morning, but his door was closed, and he sounded like he was in a heated discussion with someone else. Best not to disturb him.

 

Reaching her post, she greets Erica and Iris.

 

“Good Morning, Erica. Good Morning Iris.” She politely says.

 

“Morning Violet.” Erica softly says as she fixes her glasses.

 

“Yeah, morning, have you seen Cattleya? We have a client waiting.” Iris asks slightly annoyed.

 

“I am afraid I don’t know where Cattleya is currently located.” Violet apologises before taking her seat behind her desk.

 

Iris shrugs. “Doesn’t matter, she’ll be the one in trouble with the President. Could you cover for her?”

 

“Of course,” Violet replies. She was just about to suggest checking with the President himself, but a receptionist appeared at the doorway, with a client.

 

“Violet, your first client is here.” She tells Violet with a slight giggle. Just then a young boy, no more than 10 walks in with a sheepish look. Iris grinning, leads him to the chair opposite Violet.

 

“Hi, miss doll, I was hoping you could write me a letter?” he asks nervously as he sat down and fiddled with his shirt.

 

“Of course, it is a please to meet you. Welcome to the Auto Doll Memories service. Auto Memory doll at your service, Violet Evergarden. How may I help?” She asks in a monotone voice.

 

“Victor, Victor Bohr,” Victor replies taken aback by her angelic beauty. With her blonde hair, aquamarine eyes and porcelain skin, she really looked like a doll.

 

“Pleased to meet you, Victor. What type of letter do you wish to write?”

 

Victor’s cheeks grew a dark shade of red as he looked to the side. Violet patiently waited for his reply.

 

Erica and Iris watched from the side, amused.

 

“Iwishtowritealoveletter!” Victor squeaked with his eyes closed.

 

“Pardon me, could you please repeat that.”

 

“I wish to write a love letter.” He says, looking anywhere, except the doll in front of him.

 

Violet nods, her lips turned up, slightly “Very well.” She pulls off her gloves, paying no mind to the way Victor’s eye grew when he saw her prosthetic arms. Placing a paper into the typewriter, she hovered her fingers above the keys. “Where shall we begin?”

 

“I want her to know that, even though she is moving away, and we won’t ever see each other again, I will always love her,” Victor says sadly. His childhood friend is moving away, and he won’t be able to see her ever again. He wanted to write her a letter so that she’ll know how he feels and always remember him.

 

Violet listens to Victor and types. With each letter, she slowly begins to understand a little more about the meaning of those words.

 ***

They have just finished closing up. Hodgins informed everyone that Cattleya had a last-minute client waiting for her near the outskirts of Leiden. They all sat together, as usual, eating dinner when Iris and Erica began telling Cattleya, Hodgins and Benedict about Victor.

 

“You should have seen him!” Iris gushes, “He was so adorable.”

 

Erica nods her head up and down in agreement. “The letter Violet wrote was so beautiful. It’s still sad that they won’t see each other again, it’s really painful to say goodbye to someone you love.”

 

The chatter continued as Violet stared outside into the starry night. She couldn’t help but disagree with what Erica had said. Holding onto her brooch tightly, she gives a small sigh. It’s not the goodbye that is painful, but the flashbacks that follow.


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Everyone, I apologise it has taken me a very long time to update. I have just finished my exams (I have just finished high school) which means I have a lot more free time. I hope you enjoy this chapter and I apologise for it being very short, I am slowly setting out the plot, the next one will be longer I promise! Please comment what you think.

It was one of the more tranquil days at the CH Postal Company. Hodgins was in his office sorting out some legal paperwork, Benedict was out delivering some of the mail and the dolls were all at their posts, writing letters for their clients; all but one. Despite the calm day, it wasn’t until a receptionist brought up one of Cattleya’s clients, that everyone began to notice the missing doll.

“Have any of you heard from Cattleya?” Erika asks Violet and Iris. She had just finished writing the letter for Cattleya’s client.

“Not since last night,” Iris says with a slight frown.

“I am afraid I am unaware about Cattleya’s whereabouts,” Violet responds.

Erika hums, “It’s very uncharacteristic of her to not show up to work, I hope she is feeling okay.”

The other dolls nod in agreement and go back to their duties. As they were about to question Benedict during their lunch break, Cattleya rushes in, apologising for being late, claiming she had a stomach bug earlier. Violet couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something off about her. Maybe it was her flushed cheeks or the lack of fluidity in her movements, but Violet knew there was something wrong with her mentor. The others did not seem to notice the aura around Cattleya and so Violet did not voice her concern out loud; At least not until she heard retching coming from one of the toilets.

Violet gently knocked on the door “Cattleya? Are you well?”. It’s a ridiculous question but one that needs to be asked as a polite gesture.

Violet hears water running for a brief moment before it shuts off and the door opens to reveal a tired and slightly dishevelled Cattleya.

“Sorry about that, I guess I wasn’t feeling better like I thought.” She apologises while pressing a hand to her stomach.

“You should seek medical attention if you are feeling unwell,” Violet says, with a hint of concern, in her otherwise monotonous voice.

“I will,” Cattleya pauses, “In a few days, I have a request from a client that I need to travel to for a week.”

“I can go on your behalf,” Violet tells her without much hesitation.

A frown makes its way on Cattleya’s face and she shakes her head “I can’t ask you to do that.”

“It won’t be a problem.” Violet pauses, unsure whether her next words would be appropriate or not, “Is it not what a friend would do?”

Cattleya looks at her in shock before curling up her lips into a small smile, “Very well then, I will give you the address tonight, come by my place after work so I can give you all the necessary information.”

Violet nods her head before making her way back to her post. She turns around when she hears Cattleya call out to her.

“Thank you, Violet,” Cattleya tells her.

Violet gives her a soft smile before leaving. Cattleya watches her leave, she’s beginning to see a change in Violet. She is no longer the taciturn and methodical young women, she had first met. The Violet in front of her is finally growing into a magnificent person. There is still so much for Violet to learn but she is slowly getting there, and Cattleya couldn’t be prouder.

***

Violet begins her journey at the crack of dawn. There is an odd feeling surrounding her, despite the serene atmosphere outside the rumbling train. Violet couldn’t help but feel rather anxious. Subconsciously, she clutches her brooch in her hand. It always did manage to calm her on most days. It always reminded her that she wasn’t alone. It gave her an unknown strength; to keep moving, to never give up, to live. Violet looks out, watching the scenery as it passes her by. She will live, for Gilbert, she will live.

Hodgins was sitting in his office going through another load of paperwork when Cattleya walks in. His eye lit up and the frown he had on a minute ago was replaced with a bright smile. “How are you feeling today?”

“Still a little ill, but I’ve made an appointment to see a doctor today,” Cattleya informs him as she walks over to his desk.

“I hope it isn’t something severe,” Hodgins says with concern.

“Let’s not worry just yet,” Cattleya assures him. She perches herself on the edge of his table, “I’m very grateful for Violet offering to go in my place. I don’t know, how I would have managed.” Cattleya admits, putting a hand on her stomach; an attempt to sooth never-ending nausea.

Taking a sip from his coffee, Hodgins nods his head. “Where is this client again?” He asks, a little bashful, having forgotten.

Cattleya raises an eyebrow at her secret lover, before letting out a small laugh, “The client is in Handria, a village near the mountains of Gardarik.”

Hodgins suddenly spews out his coffee, much of landing on the documents in front of him. With wide eyes, he turns to Cattleya, who looks at him with concern.

“Claudia, what’s wrong!?” She asks placing a hand on his shoulder.

Hodgins mind is racing. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! Violet cannot be going there. She cannot know. Damn it! He should have kept a better watch on her. With the concern the only a parent would understand, Hodgins pushes back his chair and stands up.

“She needs to come back, she can’t go there!” he shouts worriedly at Cattleya.

A pair of purple eyes stares at him in confusion. “What do you mean? What’s wrong with her going there?”

Hodgins internally debates whether to tell her or not. It’s not that he doesn’t trust her, it’s just that he is afraid she will get mad at him for lying to her, for lying to Violet. But, if tells Cattleya he’ll be betraying his friend’s trust. Sighing, Hodgins realises that if Cattleya was to help, she would need to know. He takes a deep breath and looks at Cattleya. His eyes silently begging for her forgiveness.

“Gilbert,” Hodgins begins, unable to say more.

“Violet’s major? What does he have to do with this? He’s dead, isn’t he?” Cattleya asks, not caring how insensitive her words were. She wanted answers.

Hodgins shakes his head, “No he isn’t.” Hodgins gulps, “He’s alive and in the village of Handria.” Cattleya blinks at him in shock and Hodgins mentally prepares for her incoming outburst.

“WHAT!?”


	4. Chapter Four

Handria was a very peculiar place. It was a small village near the mountains of Gardarik, isolated but not completely shut off. They had a very close-knit community. Regardless of it being the baker’s wife giving birth to another daughter or news that a Samuel Sullivan has become their new neighbour, it didn't take long for any gossip to be disseminated amongst the community. It wasn’t always something exciting happened and so when there was a rumour that an auto memories doll was visiting, from the CH Postal Company none the less, Handria was bustling in excitement.

“Did you see her!? She just passed by our bakery!”

“I saw! She’s a beauty alright. Although doesn’t she look a little young to be a doll?”

“Mama, mama, that girl looks like the glass doll, grandma got me. She’s so pretty!”

“I heard that it was Evgenia that requested the doll.”

“Really? I wonder what for?”

“Speaking of Evgenia, have you heard about her kitchen incident? 

“Yes, poor thing, time is really taking its toll on her, no wonder she requested a doll.”

\---

Violet always found the countryside soothing. Compared to the violent battlefield she had grown accustomed to, it was a welcoming change. She enjoyed the tranquillity of the rivers and lakes. It brought about a sense of peace within her. She didn’t hear guns firing or people dying. She didn’t hear anything. It was calm and quiet. She liked it. The village of Handria was beautiful as well. The bustling of the village life carried a merry tune, and there was a tantalizing aroma of fresh brioche buns as she walked past a bakery.

However, Violet wasn’t there to indulge herself. She was there to perform her duties as an auto memories doll. Writing for those who cannot. She was there to help Cattleya _,_ which is her main priority.

She shortly arrives at the cottage. She walks up the steps of the front porch, places her suitcases by her feet and knocked four times. Violet took a step back and patiently waited. She heard a muffled voice yell something she didn’t quite catch, which was followed by a series of footsteps rushing towards the door. The door swings open to reveal an elderly woman whom Violet assumes to be Evgenia Michaelis.

 “It is a pleasure to meet you, I will travel anywhere to meet your request,” Violet curtsies, “I am auto memories doll, Violet Evergarden, at your service.” She offers a small smile and waits for further instructions.

 “Oh, hello dear!” Evgenia exclaims with a warm smile, “Please, come in, come in.” Evgenia says as she gestures for Violet to come in.

 Violet gives a small nod before gathering her belongings and walking into the threshold.

 Evgenia led Violet to the living room area and invited her to sit down.

 “Would you like some tea or water?” She kindly offers.

 Violet politely shakes her head, “No, thank you.” 

 “You are a very polite young woman, might I say, a little young to be a doll but who am I to judge,” Evgenia tells Violet before letting out a small laugh, before coughing into her palm. She then grabs a handkerchief out of her pocket and continued coughing violently into it. Violet rushed to her side, immediately “Ma’am?”, Violet asks full of concern. The coughs eased in intensity and then slowly passed.

 Evgenia regained her breath and looked at Violet apologetically, “Sorry about that, I’m fine now. This happens sometimes, it is nothing to be concerned about.” She clenches the bloody handkerchief in her hands, away from Violet’s line of vision. No need to startle the poor girl.

 Violet slowly returns to her seat, a little unsure. She had a previous client go through something similar, unfortunately, he didn’t make it.

 “Please, Violet, let us continue.” Evgenia encouraged with a soft smile.

 “I understand that I have been hired for a seven-day period. When would you like us to begin?” Violet asks.

 The woman stares at her, as though she has forgotten the reason Violet was there. She blinks a few times before her eyes light up.

 “Oh yes! I remember now,” Evgenia says, mainly to herself, her cheeks turn to a crimson shade, “I wanted you to write a letter for me, well several, we shall begin immediately.”

 Violet only nods in response.

 “We can write them outside; the weather is lovely this time of year and the flowers have just started to bloom again,” Evgenia tells her with a bright smile.

 Violet stands up along with Evgenia, grabs her belongings and follows her outside. Evgenia leads them to a small outside table, that overlooks the garden. The garden was overflowing with flowers, from hydrangeas to violets to roses, the garden was a beautiful sight.

 Violet sat down and took out her supplies in preparation. She sets the typewriter on the table, ensures she has enough paper and removes her gloves to begin.

 Violet hears an audible gasp and looks up to see Evgenia stare at her in shock.

 “My darling, are you alright?” She asks as she looks at the steel for hands Violet has.

 “I can assure you, it is not a problem, I am still able to fulfil my position as an auto memories doll.” Violet ensures her.

 Evgenia gives her a sympathetic smile and decides to clear up the rather tense atmosphere. She goes on to tell Violet about her new neighbour. Violet listens on intently as the woman gushed about her beautiful garden and how her dashing neighbour would always visit and help her maintain it. How he often also brought her fresh brioche buns whenever he visited the bakery.  

 “He’s a handsome young fellow,” she muses, “and you shouldn’t pay any mind to his injured eye, the eyepatch is brutish, but he has a kind soul.”

 Violet nods and turns to admire the garden, a ray of sunlight shines on her brooch, making the emerald twinkle and catch Evgenia’s eyes.

 “That is a beautiful brooch you have there!” Evgenia compliments, smiling widely at Violet.

 Violet straightens up and her hand immediately goes to touch the brooch, “Thank you.”

 “Was it a gift?” the old woman smiles cheekily with a wink.

 Violet nods with a small smile, unaware of the message behind the wink, “Yes, it was given to me by someone special.”

 “It reminds me of Samuel’s eye,” Evgenia admits.

 Violet stares at her, a little confused.

 “Samuel is my neighbour, the one who tends to my flowers,” Evgenia clarifies, “You might just run into him this week if he comes by. Now, regarding the letters, they will be for different people.”

 “Understood.”

 “The first letter is to an old friend, whose name I can’t remember, but we can call him Mr Frost.”

 A letter without a proper recipient? Is that allowed? Regardless, Violet followed her client’s orders and began writing the letter.

 Mr Frost was a stranger Evgenia met when she was a child, that’s why she couldn’t remember their name. What she did remember was how he would always give her shaved ice whenever she walked past his stand after school. She wanted to thank him for his kindness, and no matter how much of a bad day she had, the arduous trip home was always made pleasant by his generous actions.

 “I was still an orphan back then, often picked on, but Mr Frost always managed to put a smile on my face.” Evgenia reminisced. She was adopted when she was 13 as Violet understood.

 Violet soon finishes the letter, gains Evgenia’s approval and praise but then becomes slightly deflated when Evgenia tells her that she is unaware where Mr Frost currently resides.

 “To whom is the letter to be sent to?”

 “Maybe, I should have explained myself, these letters are not- “, Evgenia was cut off by the sound of someone knocking on the door.

 “Please wait here for a moment, I’ll be back shortly.” Evgenia excused herself.

 Violet patiently waited, she could weakly hear Evgenia open the door and enthusiastically greet her visitor. She didn’t mean to ease drop but she never did lose her sharp, constant awareness of her surroundings, even after beginning life as a civilian.

 Their voices were muffled but she did make out a low voice, definitely belonging to man, who was saying something she couldn’t make out. She suddenly felt an odd sensation in her chest, there was something about that voice, something similar but she couldn’t place it.

She heard Evgenia laugh, cough, although not as violent as before and soon after Violet heard her name being spoken. The man started saying something, to which Evgenia began arguing back. The door slammed shut a few moments afterwards. Evgenia came back holding a small basket with a sad smile on her lips.

 “I apologise for the distraction. My neighbour just visited me and gave me this. I wanted to introduce you, but he said he was in a hurry.” Evgenia explained.

 “There is no need to apologise,” Violet tells her with a smile.

 Evgenia hums in response “Well, you can meet him another time,” she holds up the basket, “Would you like some Brioche buns, Violet?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Everyone, 
> 
> I've been meaning to update sooner but things were a little hectic. Thank you for being so patient and I hope you enjoyed the chapter.  
> You guys can follow my Tumblr account: insomniacfoxes 
> 
> xxInsomniacfox
> 
> Bonus Info:
> 
> I named Evgenia after my favourite figure skater, Evgenia Medvedeva and the surname is from Sebastian in Black Butler.


	5. Author's Note

Hi Everyone,

I know I was suppose to update this story ages ago and I apologise for that. Truth be told, life isn't that great right now. I've just gotten my A-Level results and they were lower than what I expected so I'm a little disappointed since it meant I didn't make it into my first choice for university. That being said, I got into my backup which is still good but I need to pause writing and focus on finding new accommodation, packing and moving out by September 21st. Therefore, I am very sorry to say that this story is on a temporary hiatus again.

I do plan on finishing this story, I promise, I just can't right now. I hope you all understand.  

Thank you all for leaving kudos and for commenting!

Take Care,

InsomniacFox 


	6. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, 
> 
> Thank you all for being so patient with me. This past month hasn't been the greatest but I am back now. I'm sorry if this chapter is quite short. I'm a little worried about how I portrayed Gilbert in this chapter as it might be a little OOC but I still hope you enjoy it!

Gilbert Bougainvillea. Former major of the Leidenschaftlich army. Younger brother to naval captain Dietfried. Green eyes and black hair.

His current status, MIA.

Gilbert Bougainvillea. Former family head of the 26thgeneration of the Bougainvillea family.

All of the above are true statements. Gilbert _was_ a soldier, he _was_ the head of the family and he _was dead_. In his place resides _Samuel Sullivan_.

Despite having the same body, Samuel was not Gilbert. He was a whole new person, a better person than he was before. Everyone in Handria only knew him as Samuel.

Samuel did not have the stomach for war and bloodshed like Gilbert. He wanted peace. He wanted to help others live their lives instead of ending it. He wanted to be a good man. A man without any sins. A man who could sleep peacefully at night.

***

Two and a half months have passed, and Gilbert still hasn’t recovered from Violet’s letter. Her words kept floating around his head. He thinks of hers, dreams of her and wishes for her. Yet, he knows he can’t have her. He knows he can’t afford to be selfish.

How her letter reached him still remains a mystery to him. No doubt if Violet was aware of his current location, she would have sought him out, demand an explanation for why he lied and left her. He second-guessed Hodgins but doesn’t know why his friend would do such a thing and Hodgins never responded to his letters and so he gave up and stopped sending them. He decided that he’ll accept this miracle and move on, knowing his Violet is blooming.

Handria was a small village near the mountains of Gardarik. An ideal location for Gilbert to live out the remainder of his life. The community accepted him with open arms and no one seemed to comment on his eyepatch. Except for Evgenia, an elderly woman who saw him more like a son than a neighbour.

He often tended her gardens, happy to help out and he usually took a basket of brioche buns with him. Evgenia was growing older by the day and, so he took caution to make sure she didn’t make any strenuous effort on her health. She was the mother, he had abandoned.

The daily life in Handria was very repetitive. Everyone has their own routine which they never strayed from. There was hardly an event that had the village bustling around, which made him very curious when he walked into the local bakery, to hear the baker chattering to a customer.

“Did you see her!? She just passed by our bakery!” Baker-Smith exclaimed.

 _Who?_ Gilbert thought as he started filling his basket (he did promise Evgenia he'd visit). He didn’t notice anyone out of the ordinary when he was walking in.

“I saw! She’s a beauty alright. Although doesn’t she look a little young to be a doll?”

 Gilbert nearly dropped his basket as he froze. Shocked. _What? A doll? Who and for whom?_

His heart started beating faster and his palms became sweaty. He knew he had to leave. He quickly paid for the buns and quickly made his way home and slammed the door shut. He slumped to the floor trying to catch his breath. The basket disregarded next to him.

Slowly, he regained his senses and he felt like he wanted to punch himself. _I’m an idiot!_

_I panicked for no reason. There are hundreds of dolls in the world, why would I think it was Violet? All dolls have a youthful look, they are called dolls for a reason! It’s not Violet. It can’t be. Hodgins would have said something, Hodgins wouldn’t have done this. Yes, it’s not Violet or anyone from the CH Postal company for that matter._

Taking in a deep breath, Gilbert rose up and fixed his appearance. There was no need to worry over silly things. He grabbed the basket and made his way to Evgenia’s house. Trying his best to ignore his earlier feelings.

His walk there felt longer than usual, and he kept checking his surroundings just to keep his sanity in check. Once he reached, he knocked on her door and waited.

The door opened shortly and after recognising her visitor Evgenia smiled broadly.

“Samuel!” She greeted him, happily.

“Good Afternoon, Evgenia, you’re looking younger these days,” He tells her with a small grin. 

Evgenia barks out a laugh which ended with her beginning to cough. Gilbert quickly rushes to her aid, only for her to push him back.

“I’m fine, don’t worry.” She assures him as she catches her breath again and places a hand on her chest.

There is a glint of worry in his eye as he doesn’t quite believe her. “You should see the doctor-“

“There is no need for that,” She brushes him off.

“Evgenia, you need to take care of health.”

“I am fine, Samuel, now stop being a stranger and come in, I have a lovely young woman named Violet, that I would like you to meet. 

Gilbert visibly froze. His earlier state of panic rising and transcending into something much worse.  

_Oh no. No. No. No. No. Wait, maybe, maybe it’s not her._

“Violet?” He questioned, trying his best to hide how dry his throat has gotten.

“Oh, I requested a doll to come to help me with a letter,” Evgenia tells him, oblivious to sweat clinging to the back of his neck, “She’s from that famous company that had the air show in Leiden!” 

“I need to go.” Gilbert tells her suddenly and he thrusts the basket to her, “These are for you.”

“Non-sense come and sit down.” Evgenia frowns as she takes the basket and grabs a hold of his arm, trying to convince him to stay.

“I’m sorry, I just remembered I have an urgent errand to attend to, good day.” And without waiting for a response Gilbert pulls his arm free and all but runs away from the house 

“Thank you, for the buns,” Evgenia calls out, hoping he heard her, before walking in and slamming the door shut. How odd of him, she thinks.

 Gilbert keeps running until he can’t. His ribs and legs screaming out in pain are what stops him. He drops down to his knees and tries to stop his heart from bursting out of his chest. Why is he acting like this? He's gone through hell and came back. He survived the war and yet, he is slouched there, near the river, lost, confused and scared.

He sucks in as much oxygen as he can, to soothe the ache in his lungs while his mind races.

_She’s here. Violet was here._

_His Violet. He gets to see her again! But he can’t. Then she’ll know the truth._

_Why!? Why did Hodgins send her! This was not good._

_He wants to see her._

_He needs her._

_He wants her._

_Violet._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Again,
> 
> Your comments always make my day and since I don't have a beta reader, I'm open to all criticisms. 
> 
> You guys can follow me on Tumblr insomniacfoxes and just see how much of weed/geek/weirdo I am. 
> 
> Thanks for reading,
> 
> Insomniacfox


	7. Chapter Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was a little rushed as I really didn't want to postpone this chapter any later than I already did but I hope you guys enjoy it! Also, 250+ Kudos!?? You guys are amazing, I honestly posted this story for fun and am surprised to see how many of guys liked it! You are all amazing and so patient! <3 <3

It’s been five days since Violet arrived in Handria. It’s been 5 days since she was given the peculiar order of writing letters without a recipient. However, Violet was an auto memories doll and it was her duty to meet Evgenia’s requests. Violet was grabbing a new piece of paper when Evgenia spoke.

“Violet,” Evgenia murmured softly. Violet paused her movements and looked at Evgenia, a sign that she was paying attention. “Have you ever loved or been in love with someone?”

 Violet blinked, her lips parting slightly as she processed the words. She was beginning to understand love, but what was being _in love?_ Was it the same thing, was it different? She didn’t know.

 “I don’t understand,” Violet admits, unsure. “What does it mean to be in love?”

 “Well, you see,” Evgenia smiles softly at her, “When you love someone, you care about them and want them to do well. However, _being in love_ , now that’s slightly different.”

 “How is it different?” Violet inquires, curious. She always assumed love was singular, love was love and it didn’t have any variation.

 “Loving someone is a choice, but, being in love isn’t.” Evgenia explains to her, “Being in love, is when you put them first, no matter how much you want them close to you. You let them go and wish for them to be happy wherever they are.”

 “If you are concerned about their wellbeing, why would you wish for them to leave?” Violet asks confused now more than ever before.

 Evgenia sighs, “If you love someone, you set them free, you don’t force them to be by your side. If they come back, they’re yours. If they don’t, they never were.”  

 Why would someone leave their loved ones? Violet has never heard of that. All the letters she’s written before were for people trying their best to find and stay with those they loved. Their conversation kept replaying in her mind all day along with this pinch ache in her chest.

 It was late in the afternoon when Evgenia suggested they finish for the day. It was also when Evgenia suggested Violet to go explore the village. “You’re always forced to be indoors and work, but you should go out and explore. Take advantage of your travels.”

 “Where should I go?” Violet asks, unsure.

 “Wherever your heart takes you.”

With that vague advice in mind, Violet left.

 ------------------

 Violet was walking, deep in thought as she ponds over what Evgenia had told her. _Wherever your heart takes you._ “Wherever your heart takes you,” Violet whispers to herself, trying her best to understand, only to sigh in defeat. A cold, harsh breeze brought her out of thoughts.

 Violet blinks. She hadn’t realised how dark it had gotten and she didn’t know how she managed to walk so far from the village that she couldn’t see it. Analysing her surroundings, she saw she was in the middle of some sort of field, the river coursing near her. The moon was high in the sky, the only source of light Violet had.

She was about to turn around and try to find her way back when something caught her eye. There, a little bit in front of her was a meadow. Without any hesitation, Violet starts making her way towards it. The meadow was interspersed with ash trees. Waves of purple cascaded the meadow and with every step, Violet was surrounded with more and more flowers.

There was a cottage nearby but there was no light coming from inside. Violet believed it was abandoned. Turning her gaze back to the meadow, she gently drops down to her knees and starts softly stroking a purple petal.  She was surrounded by Violets. The very same ones she was named after.

  _Major Gilbert._

 Violet always thinks about Gilbert. He’s always there in the back of her mind, offering her advice and consolation when she needs it. Despite, the Bougainvillea’s belief that Gilbert was dead, she knew better. She kept wishing for _better_. Gilbert isn’t dead. He is missing in action. _He is just missing._ She wishes he was with her or that she could be where he is. Violet grips the flower in her palm tighter;

  _Violet, you have to live._

Why did he leave?

_Major._

Why couldn’t she save him?

  _I love you._

Why did he have to let her go!?

The flower in her hand is crushed. The fire she thought she extinguished was relit, consuming her very being. She was burning. If she was being honest, she felt the fire inside her since that morning. Starting from the bottom of her stomach, gradually growing stronger, hotter and now, Violet found herself unable to breathe properly. The flames had made their way into her heart, where they continued to grow until now, where it began to spread rapidly throughout her entire body until it escapes from her lips. “Major.” She chokes out.

 Violet looked down at the crushed flower in her palm and lets out another wretched sob. The petals wilting away because of her. Tears fall down her face as her body violently shakes.

After a while, her body begins to go numb and Violet knows that she can’t just sit there anymore. He starts standing up and runs back towards what she hoped was the path that led to the village. She felt her broach fling side to side and then she did the unspeakable. Sadness giving away to anger, Violet rips the broach off her neck and tosses it away from her. She needed to break free from her promise. _I’m sorry, Major, but I can’t keep living, not without you._ Not bothering to see where she threw it, her eyes were too watery to see clearly anyway, she continues running. She runs and runs until she suddenly she slams into a body, momentarily halting her movements. Not bothering to look at the stranger, Violet sniffles and tries her best to even her voice.  

 “I’m sorry, forgive me.” She says in a broken voice and moves to the side to leave. However, before she could take another step, the stranger grabbed her by elbows and pulled her towards him. Embracing her with protective arms. He holds her tight as though she could vanish at any moment. Violet panics and struggles to get out of his hold, “Please, let go of me!” Her mind suddenly flashes to the night she was found. The scenario very familiar and frightening. For a moment she doesn’t see the stranger but the men around her, their eyes cunning, vicious and dangerous. Not again. Violet raises her knee to protect herself, her military training now innates in her muscles. She’s about to strike when her entire body freezes.

 Her tears stop flowing and her sobs are trapped in her throat. It’s quiet, except for the sound of the trees rustling with the breeze and the sound of her Violet’s heart, thumping so rapidly she feared it might rip out of her chest.

 “Violet.” The stranger said. His voice. She knew that voice. She had listened and obeyed that voice for years. It can’t be. Violet’s eye slowly trails from the man’s chest to his face. To _Gilbert’s_ face _._

Her major was standing before her, but he was different. He was still tall and built, his lips still held that soft sad smile, his hair was shorter but his eyes… one covered with an eyepatch and the other still held that magnificent shade of green. The same colour as her broach, the one her beloved major gave her. The one she foolishly threw away. The most important possession of her life.

 Violet’s arms wrap around Gilbert as she crushes their chests in a tight hug. All tears and sobs were let loose and freely escaped her as she clutched Gilbert, worried if she let go, he’ll disappear.

 “Major,” Violet chokes out, “You-your alive.”

 Gilbert knew that when he saw Violet throw away the broach, the way her body racked with sobs, that he couldn’t stay away anymore. He rushed towards her and held her in his arms. Silently pleading, she forgives him for all the pain he’s caused her.

 “Violet,” Gilbert says, his voice still had that velvety undertone. What can he say? How can he express just how much he missed her, how much he loves her, how much he’s sorry? He says nothing. His lips fall apart but nothing escapes them. He comforts her, rubbing soothing circles around her back until her sobs dissolve into little sniffles.

 “Am I dreaming?” Violet asks him, he looks into her eyes and he sees how distraught she is. He sees the fear of loss and loneliness in her eyes. He sees how much he has hurt her.

 “Violet,” Gilbert tries again, his throat dry and scratchy, his hands start shaking nervously. He can’t think straight with his own heart hammering in his chest. He didn’t know what to do.

 “Please don’t leave me! I understand what those words mean now!” Violet desperately tells him, her hands move to grip his arms as she continues to plead with him, to tell him and make him stay. “Major, I love you too.”

 Gilbert looks at her. His hand coming to rest on her face and wipe her tears. He sees how her eyes lit up at the words. He feels how genuine her emotions are. He watches her lips as they fall apart again, “Major, _I’m in love_ with you.” and then Gilbert pulls her face closer and crushes their lips together.

 Their kiss wasn’t just innocent, it was hot, fiery, desperate and passionate. The only way Gilbert could express his thoughts and feelings at that moment. Violet’s hand reaches up to the back of Gilbert’s neck and she gently grips the back of his hair. She’s written and read and listened to everything about what it is like to kiss someone, but never did she imagine finding out for herself.

Gilbert is the first to pull away. He smiles as he watches Violet lick her lips and then looked back at him. He brushes a stray hair out of her face before staring into her eyes and telling her,

“I’m in love with you, too.”

Only then did Violet truly understand what Evgenia had said. When you’re in love, you let them go and if they come back, they are yours. Gilbert came back. He was _hers_ and she was _his_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologise for finishing this chapter really late but I hope you all forgive me. We're almost at the end of it. Comments make my day so feel free to leave any type of feedback! 
> 
> If there are any Haikyuu fans, you guys can follow my account on Instagram, tooru.the.alien
> 
> Thanks for reading. xx


	8. Chapter Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone, 
> 
> I am still alive. I'm sorry for not updating sooner. I hope you guys enjoy the chapter. It didn't turn out the way I wanted it originally but that's fine. We only have a couple of more chapters to go. 
> 
> xx

Despite the small fireplace, the fire blazed brightly as it lit up the room. Violet watched the log of wood burn and the luminous red and yellow flames dance about. The crackling firewood was the only sound that could be heard. Violet sat on the couch opposite the fireplace, blanket wrapped loosely around her shoulders and a cup of hot tea between her palms, which had gone cold by the time Gilbert entered the room again.

“Violet?” he whispers softly as though he feared the sound of voice would break her. Violet turns her head to look at him, acknowledging his presence but says nothing and turns once again to blankly stare at the fireplace. Her mind was racing back to an hour ago when they found each other. When her Gilbert returned to her. She remembers the taste of his lips on hers, she remembers the energy, passion and desperation coursing through her veins. She remembers this feeling in her chest, one that made her feel like she was floating between the clouds but now, now, she just feels empty.

“I’m sorry, Violet.” Gilbert apologises again and when he is met by silence, _again_ , he simply sighs and takes a seat next to her. He understands that their moment in the field was filled with passion and adrenaline but now the atmosphere has changed. It’s become serious and cold, despite the fire heating up the room. Gilbert thought he was doing what was best for her, not realising the intense heartache she had to go through.

“I still don’t understand,” Violet says in a small voice, “Why did you make everyone believe you were dead?” She asked, blue eyes wandering everywhere but to him.

“I-,” Gilbert sighs, “I thought it was better for you.”

“How were you leaving better for me?” she demanded, still not looking at him.

Gilbert was a little lost, he didn’t know how to express his own thoughts, he didn’t know how to explain and make her understand. But he tried, “I needed to leave so that you could become your own person. I wanted you to live a life where you didn’t have to listen to someone’s orders, where you didn’t have to live a life like in a battlefield and a life where you weren’t anyone’s puppet. I wanted you to see yourself as a person and not a tool.” He reaches for her cup of tea and places it on the table before grabbing her hands in his. He turns her so she can look at him.

“I wanted you to live, Violet. That day, that horrible, horrible day of the battle, I thought I was going to lose you because of some stupid war that you shouldn’t have been a part of in the first place. It was because of me. I should have been tougher with my brother, I should never have used you like that,” He gently removes her gloves and looks at the metal prosthetics in the place of her hands, a bitter taste in his mouth, “This would never have happened,” he mutters, remembering those moments. His heart clenched as he looked at what he had done to her.

“If it weren’t for you, I would have been dead before the war ended, I would have been dead and disposed but you gave a reason to live, to continue living.” Violet tells him, “We are made wise not by the recollection of our past, but by the responsibility for our future,”

Gilbert looks at her, his eyes shimmering as they filled with guilty tears, yet there was a certain twinkle in his eye as he smiled softly at her, “You’ve read George Bernard’s works,” he states. A part of him swells with pride. Violet’s reading has improved tremendously.

Violet nods but doesn’t say anything.

“Violet-“

“Come back.”

Gilbert blinks, shocked, “What?”

Violet looks at him dead in the eye, her voice straight and unwavering, “Come back.” She repeats, “I have lived my life, I have grown. You can come back to Leiden.” Violet can’t understand him.

Gilbert knew this would be difficult, “Listen-“

“You have no reason to be here. You have no reason to hide, the war is over. Your family misses you.”

“Violet, it is not that simple,” Gilbert tries to explain, “It’s been more than a year, I can’t-I just can’t. Everyone will be upset and angry that I lied- “

“But the joy and happiness they will feel afterwards will outweigh their initial anger.” How could he do that to his family? Violet recalls his mother and how much love she conveyed for her son. How could Gilbert just abandon her like that? So many people lost their families and would do anything to get them back. Yet, Gilbert was staying away from his on purpose.

Gilbert feared Violet wanted him to come back because she needed his orders. Hell, the only reason she continues to live is that he ordered her to do so. He can’t, no matter how much it hurts, he had to let her go, this wasn’t healthy. “This is just something I cannot do. Violet, please, stop asking and go back to Leiden on your own.”

The man before her was not the Major she knew. He was different and Violet didn’t like it. This was not her Major “I’ll stop asking once I understand the answer given to me.” She tells him, her voice rising without her consent.

“Violet, just listen to me!” Gilbert pleads, he stands up and starts pacing around, trying to control his emotions.

Without any hesitation, “You are no longer my Major, I do not have to listen to your orders, anymore.” Violet states firmly and Gilbert is thrown back. His head snaps towards her, his mouth opening and closing several times before he was able to string a coherent sentence.  
He shakes his head, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-damn it” He curses, “I love you, Violet, but I can’t go back. I’m sorry, I just can’t.”

Violet doesn’t say anything. She simply stands up, folds the blanket in half and places it on the couch before walking to the front door. Gilberts watches her, confused, “Violet?”

Violet places her hand on the doorknob before halting her movements, “If you claim that you love me from the bottom of your heart, then you would come back.” With that Violet pulled open the door and walked out, tears falling down her cheeks as she leaves behind a conflicted and torn Gilbert.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey Everyone, 
> 
> Thank you for reading this! Violet Evergarden has a very special place in my heart. I was very disappointed at the lack of fan fictions on AO3 so I decided to climb out of my 2 year writers block and try to add something to the Fandom. I'm not entirely sure where this story is going to go but only time will tell. I apologise for any spelling or grammar mistakes and if I don't capture the characters exactly right. I will probably come back and edit the entire story once I'm done. Sorry for this long message. Hope you enjoyed it! Stay tuned for the next chapter!


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